i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
