i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
