We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize