she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
