Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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