we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
