Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
