I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
