Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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