I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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