You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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