My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize