I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
