when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
