As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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