yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
