I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
