My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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