I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
