I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
