saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
