I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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