There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
