I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
