Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
