so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
