If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize