Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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