two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
