Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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