oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
