why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
