erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My bed smells like the plague
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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