Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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