I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize