just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There's even glitter on my cock...
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