you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
