I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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