I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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