Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
