i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Enjoy the penises
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
