Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize