that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
