Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am available for nakedness
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
