How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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