There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
