Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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