I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize