Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
