You work out of a Hotel?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
