I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
