My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
