i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize