oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
