A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
