dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
