coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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