I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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