Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
