Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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