$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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