I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
