I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
