sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
