the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
