I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love you. Go after that dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
