My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
