if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
