i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
