At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize