Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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