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those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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