Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
