haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
