What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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