If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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