No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
