so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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