She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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