i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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