I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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