idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
