Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
