She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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