Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
