I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
