The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
