this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
