dude i'm inner monologue high
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
