I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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