No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
