Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
