I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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