I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
