I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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