My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
