I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize