So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize