OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
