I can text with my tongue
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
