My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
