I am puke
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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