Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
