I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my penis made a compromise with my morals
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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