Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
