Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize