I want to have your abortion
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize