Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
