We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
